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Far-Reaching Consequences
of Emotional Availability
Emotional
availability's implications go far beyond parent-child
relationships. Indeed, an understanding of the
principles of emotional availability (as detailed in Chapter
5 of
Raising a Secure Child: Creating an
Emotional Connection Between You and Your Child)
can lead to a deeper understanding of one's self as well as others
-- and thereby help people in relationships between partners,
co-workers, in communities, and in the wider world.
Zeynep Biringen, Ph.D., relates the story of a businessman client she was
seeing in private practice, who told her that he did not see the value of
spending so much time becoming "emotionally available." However, he
did try Dr. Biringen's ideas anyway. Results: Not only
did he become a better father and husband (the qualities he had been
seeking to improve), but he also became better at his job as a CEO of a
highly recognized corporation. He found that the skills of emotional
availability have helped him in the workplace. Being more sensitive
toward employees, structuring of their efforts, non-intrusive in his
suggestions and actions but available and connected, and non-hostile and
better emotionally regulated when interacting with them, has helped him
keep a great team of players at work.
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"No book has given me a deeper understanding of myself
than Dr. Zeynep Biringen's Raising a Secure Child. Having no
children of my own, I didn't think I'd have much use for the book, but soon
after I started reading it, I discovered that my unresolved insecurities
originated from an emotionally unavailable upbringing. By reading Dr. Biringen's book, I've come to understand
why I had become compulsively self-reliant as an adult -- emotionally detached, and
with a deep-seated fear of intimacy. I've since begun to make
sense of my
failed relationships that I deliberately sabotaged with my own
insecure/avoidant behavior. As a result, I'm able to effectively deal with my insecurities at a conscious, adult level.
Dr. Biringen's book is a godsend!"
-- Maria V.,
Los Angeles, California
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Research evidence, from the field of medicine, for example, has uncovered benefits of
healthy emotional connections during childhood. A Harvard
University study indicated that a healthy emotional relationship with one's parents
(assessed when the men were very young) also could be a protective factor against disease. This large study
followed a group of individuals over many decades. It discovered that
those from loving homes were healthier at middle age, even when factors
such as smoking were taken into account.
For more details on the far-reaching implications of emotional
availability, see
Raising a Secure Child: Creating an Emotional Connection Between You and
Your Child."
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